


The End

by Killjoy_Nisi



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra Steve Rogers, M/M, Steve is Hydra, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 07:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10962111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killjoy_Nisi/pseuds/Killjoy_Nisi
Summary: How many hearts are broken when they first see Captain America wearing a hydra uniform? How many people lose all of their hope as they realize that Captain America is the enemy? How many of them won't believe it? And who would try to bring the old Cap back? Who would try to save Steve Rogers? Who would try it if even Bucky fails?





	The End

He tries to move his arms, just a little shifting so his muscles won't cramp anymore. How many hours have passed since the Hydra agents showed up in his hideout? Was it yesterday? The day before yesterday? How long has it been that he opened those secret files with Steves name on it? Telling a whole different story about his best friend from the one he knew. 

Not for the first time he tries to move his legs from under his body but the ties are too strong. The collar, attached to both walls on his sides, doesn't ease the situation either for the former Winter Soldier.

He knows Hydras methods to instill terror in somebody. How they break their captives. But no matter what he did before he escaped them, it doesn't compare to the pain he is feeling right now. It's not the sore wrist, the stiff neck, the empty stomach or his hurting knees. It's his heart.

Steve Rogers, the man he protected since they've met, even though it's no longer necessary, Steve Rogers who shared a bed with him back in the days, the one man he would give his life for, he sat there next to his tormentor while he was being tortured. 

There are no tears left for him to cry and he starts to feel the dehydration, but he doesn't care. How could he? He just wants the pain to stop. The pain of being betrayed by the one person he gave his heart to.

He would never have thought that there was a place for his heart that's safer than Steve's hands. Not only the hero of a nation. Buckys hero.

And there he was, still silently sobbing, although there were no more tears that could fall.

At first he called for Steve, begged him to explain. To tell him that it's not true. Then he proceed to insult him, with everything he had. And then he begged again. But no one showed up since they chained him up in this dark room. 

There is a whispering voice inside Buckys head, still trying to convince him that this is just a trick, that the documents he stole from the hydra basis were fake. They could have laid them out for him to find, so he would believe he was betrayed. But if they knew he intruded their basis, why would they let him leave again? Why bothering to follow him to his apartment a few days later?

For that matter he originally planed to steal those files to find out more about the Winter Soldier programming, but it all became void the second he held Steves files in his hands.

Steve.

One last time, he decided. One last time he breathed in deeply, his chest growing bigger and he screamed: "Rogers! Move your damn ass over here or I swear to all the frigging gods that I will rip your treacherous heart out!" 

It hurt Bucky to say those words. It felt so unbelievable wrong that he could not conquer himself to say Steves name in this sentence. His whole body strived against it.

He didn't expect it anymore but he heard the door behind him move. The light is turned on and a whirring sound appears. The person who just stepped into this room however did not move into Buckys field of view.

"Goddamn coward! Don't you have the guts to look me in the face?!"

His voice was raspy, rough, dry. He had no more saliva to nervously lick his lips for the hundredth time.

"Show yourself, Steve!"

There was no doubt for Bucky that the person behind him was his best friend. He could almost feel his presence, his burning glance on his back. Soon enough heavy boots started to move and someone with Steve Rogers face shoved himself in front of Bucky. He's so close Bucky has to lay his head back as much as the collar allows so he can look in the blonds face.

This can not be Steve.

His uniform is all black, except the blood red symbol that all the hydra agents wear. No blue, no white. No star.

"So it's true?"

Within seconds Bucky recognizes Steves unsteady breathing. Memories flood his mind, memories of a much younger Steve having an asthma attack. Back then a simple thing like that could have killed him. So he has suppress the urge to calm him down.

"That's all you wanna know?"

"You seriously ask me if that's all? Shit Steve! Unfasten me and I'll get the answers myself! How could you?! How could you do that to me?"

"It wasn't about you-"

While tearing at his bonds the former Winter Soldier interrupts him before he can say more.

"How long?"

For the next minute there is nothing but silence. A silence that is hardly bearable and Bucky is about to begin to speak again, but Steve gulps, turns his face away and speaks softly: "Long ago. Long before... before we met."

His hesitation revealed him. The thought of their joint past hurts him as much as it hurts Bucky. But probably in a whole different way.

"All this time...", the captives voice breaks as he speaks. He almost expects Steve to talk again or to leave, but he waits, moves a step back, leans against the wall and looks down upon his friend.

"All this time you knew that I was with Hydra? You let them... you allowed them to turn me into this monster?"

"Buck, you are not a-"

"Shut up! You don't think I will believe anything ever again that comes out of your mouth, do you? You lied to me almost one century! Did you throw me out of the train? Was that your grant plan all along? Trying to help those fucking Nazis to win the war? Did you want me to become the Winter Soldier?! Do I mean nothing to you?!"

While saying the last words he bows his head down, can't stand to look any longer at this face that once meant home and safety to him.

 

"You are well aware that I would never do that."

Steves voice is stern. Some hours ago he was convinced to be able to tell apart if his friend was lying or not, but now that everything I thought he knew was a big lie, he wasn't so sure of that. Maybe he has never been able to tell what was inside the Captains head.

"How would I, Steve?"

He speaks his name so full of anger and sadness, still avoiding Steves glance. He feels nausea coming up, the kind you would feel when you see a badly injured person or a dead body covered in blood. A nausea that doesn't come from your stomach, it comes from your brain that tries to comprehend this absurd, disgusting situation.

"I didn't let you fall, Buck! To be honest with you, I never let you down. I murdered my men because the tried to kill you. I've neglected my commands to keep you save."

 

The man on his knees laughs. It's short and cold hearted.

"Yeah, you would do anything to keep your face. Even saving someone who's in your way over and over again. Even telling him that he's more to you than just a friend."

"Don't do that."

"Don't do what, Steve! Saying that you made me fall in love with you? You know damn straight what I'm talking about! Did you believe you could convince me to join you as soon as I am yours? Did you believe I could become useful for you one day? So close to one of the most dangerous men on earth, unaware of the fact that he could stab me any moment."

"I never made you fall in love with me. You weren't part of the plan. When you found me in the ally, covered in my own blood, it was your choice to take care of me. You took this weak and sick boy with you! I never asked you to do that. It was my choice to tell you that all my wounds were from fights, when they actually were from my training. I kept my lies on a bare minimum. The less you lie, the less can leak out. But I have to admit, I was hoping you would join me as soon as the war was over. I wanted to show you that the world is in need of a leader, it needs hydra! It needs me!"

 

All of Buckys muscles are so tense that he would swear they are about to tear apart. He wants to get out of here, running as fast and as long as he can, until his legs give in. But there is no escape for him, for god knows how long. But even if he would manage to flee, where would he go? Finding a new hideout, starting a new life? Without Steves support? What could the world give him to find a new meaning in life? There is nothing.

"Do you need anything, Buck?"

After a long moment of silence this question comes more than surprising. 

"A drink? I don't think I will be able to get you something to eat, but maybe-"

"You are not able to? So they won't let you? You've given up on all your ideals to become an ordinary Hydra soldier? Subordinated to so many people. That's why you are willing to give up on everything?"

The blond breathes heavily and reaches to his shoulder. It seems like he wanted to touch the shield that's usually on his back whenever he's wearing his uniform. But now his hand reaches just into the nothingness.

"Those ideals... the freedom to do what you want... that's not who I am, Bucky. That's not how I was raised."

He wasn't raised like this? They grew up together!

"Don't you dare accusing your mother for your fucked- up nazi ideologies! I knew your mom, Steve! Sarah was a honorable, wonderful woman and if she could see you right now, if she knew what you have become, it would break her heart. I'm dead sure she's not the one to blame for your way. She did not raise you to become this."

A thought comes to Buckys mind, that he could totally be wrong. Those things he said about Steves mom, he thought the same about Steve. But the younger man nods slightly.

"You're right, she had nothing to do with it. Not that she knew of all this. But after my fathers death some of my mothers friends introduced my into the world of hydra. A world where they promised me I could achieve anything and that I was meant to be their savior. And then I met the Red Skull. He saw so much potential in me and he was right. He knew that I was supposed to be something bigger, that my future can't be surviving from one sickness to the next until I decease one day. He got me out of there, without him I would never have met Dr. Erskine. Without him I would be dead now."

That's true. They would both probably have died long ago.

And maybe... "I would rather be dead than seeing how you ruin everything we've fought for all those years. And besides-", Bucky meets Steves eyes, shifts his arms gain, puffs and continues speaking.

"Do your friends know that you have a thing for boys? I heard they have a problem with that. Do they know that you got your first kiss from your best friend? Or were they the reason you acted like none of this happened? When I regained my memories you never once mentioned, that there was something between us. You counted on me forgetting it all, didn't you? You were afraid of them, they could have killed you, could have gasified you. But I waited for you, Steve. All this time. Whenever I saw you I looked for something in your eyes that tells me that you feel the same about me. I would walk to the end of the world for you and I would kill every last vain god or mad alienking. You are everything to me. And now you ruined it all! I can't live without you, you took care of that, but I also can't stand the thought of serving those again who are responsible for all my scares. Not with a functioning mind."

 

Bucky didn't have to look up to know how much Steve is blushing. He was blushing when Bucky kissed him for the first time. He was blushing when Bucky confessed his love for him. And he was blushing while he buttoned up his shirt after having sex with Bucky behind a tent in WWII. He was when Bucky first promised him to spend the rest of his life with him. Nobody can deny that those moment were true, no faking, no lying. But what isn't so clear is if Steve still feels the same.

But his words were so much more than just a confession of his undying love for the blond. 

In the last hours he spent alone in this room he decided that his time has come. He always knew that it would end because of Steve. Still, he never imagined this particular scenario. 

"They don't need to know.", comes Steves answer after a long pause. 

"And you... you shouldn't have known either. Not anymore. You're right, I wanted you to completely forget about it. It's in the past and you went through so much. It wouldn't have worked out the way it did back then. Sooner or later you would have found out about-"

It doesn't need saying, they both now what he means.

"But we are here after all. Your plan didn't work, Stevie. I love you even though you never told me that I already loved you. And I found out about you being... being here despite you kept your distance. What do you want to do now? Kill me? Keep me here? Locked up forever?"

The man, who is known to the world as Captain America slides down the wall he was leaning against and hides his face behind his hands. 

"If only you had never come back. I wanted to help you building a normal life. You could have been happy."

"Without you?"

In this very moment Bucky notices that he laid down all of his anger. A tiny smile appears on his lips. No one can change his mind now.

"I can't be without you, Steve. Do you remember? Til the end of the line. And now I need you to end it for me. Take me to you, let me trust you without a second thought, as I always did. Turn me into the Winter Soldier again and I can be yours. Forever."

"Bucky..."

Steve lets his hands fall down and presses himself closer to the Wall. Unbelieving he opens his mouth, but there's nothing he could say. Tears begin to form in his eyes. He can't stand the heavy hearted smile on his best friends face. The man he swore to love.

"Just do it. You know the words, don't you? Do it or kill me. There is nothing left for me out there when I can never see you again. If you let me go...", he gulps, shakes is head and sees straight into those piercing blue eyes.

"Then I will hunt you down, Steve. I won't be able to stop. Not until your dead body lies beneath me and I can finally take a bullet to my head too. There is no fourth option, no easy way out of this."

He could feel that Bucky was serious. He already made his choice and Steve can't say anything to sway him. There's no way back.

"I should have told you, that I love you. I should have shared a bed with you again. I should have fallen asleep in your arms. Should have told you that you mean everything to me. It all went so damn wrong..."

"Please Steve, just end it. They told you the words, didn't they?"

Buckys voice is so full of love and overflowing with trust that Steve feels a piercing pain in his chest. He does know the words. Still, he shakes his head no. 

His eyes squinted shut, he falls to his knees and lays his forehead against Buckys. Shaking his head over and over again like a maniac.

"I want it.", Bucky whispers against Steves lips.

Some time passes by without them saying a word. In his head Steve runs over everything he could do instead of what Bucky asked him to, but nothing would work. It's like he said, there is no easy way out. No matter what hydra would say to him, he can't kill Bucky. And he won't allow anyone else to do it. He can't keep him in here forever, chained up like an animal, never seeing the sunlight again. And he can't let him go. Steve would have to hide from him for the rest of his life if he doesn't want to kill him and it would end with Bucky killing himself. The same result as killing him now, just with a lot more suffering.

Shaking badly he breathes in, opens his eyes and stares into a pair of grey loving ones.

"Longing.", he whispers.

He wants to go on but the shaking got so bad he can't utter one word.

 

"Ssshh. It's okay."

For the first time since the war Steve feels Buckys lips on his. It's just a sheer kiss, but it calms the blond down to the point that he can go on.

"Rusted."

"Did you know everyone around us knew that I'm deeply in love with you?"

"Furnace."

"Natasha told me. Sie said it's written all over my body how much I love you."

"Daybreak."

"How much I need you."

"Seventeen."

"It will be alright, Stevie."

"Benign."

"We will be together, don't worry. Let me be yours forever. Forever by your side."

"Nine."

Silence.

"Homecoming."

Silence.

"One."

Buckys neck loses all the tension and his head falls heavily against Steves.

"Freight car.

The dark haired man lifts his head, his eyes are empty.

"What did I do?"

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in english and it's not my first language so excuse me if you find mistakes ._. If you find major ones (where it's hard to understand what it's supposed to mean) please tell me, so I can correct it ^^  
> This story is inspired by a scene in the new Thunderbolts Comics, where Steve is Hydra and he talks to Bucky who is sitting on the floor in front of him, just like I described in this story. I know most people in this fandom hate Hydra!Cap (I did too) but the storyline is just too damn good and there is so much stucky! So much unused potential! :D  
> If you get the chance to read Thunderbolts (do it! Bucky is a dad!) or Captain America: Steve Rogers, do it because they are freakin amazing!  
> If want to you can check out my comic related Instagram account comic.sense or my general fandom account lost.in.my.fandoms
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
